so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
