The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
