I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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