u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
