I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
