no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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