This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
