It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
