im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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