I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
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i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
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My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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