3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
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I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
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No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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