Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
