he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
