You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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