i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
