Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
