3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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