1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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