Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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