Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
