I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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