You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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