Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
