How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
