You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
