I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
