wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
