Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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