how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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