On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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