Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
return my video game
he puts the penis in happiness.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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