i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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