i just snorted my name. best moment ever
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
