just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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