She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
