I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
and i looked up. we had an audience...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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