she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
