you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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