My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
