This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
