i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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