Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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