after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
