I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
