I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
