I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
