are you still at the devil's house?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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