I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
