It's Friday. Sex?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
