I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
