Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
