I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
A+ Viking dick
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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