forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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