ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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