I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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