i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
only you would photoshop your dick
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
