I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I have aggressive nipples.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
