Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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