I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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