i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
