i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
