Swine flu. Run for my life!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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