I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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