She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
