oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
