On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
