The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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