Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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